Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
