dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
