To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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