I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
