She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
