I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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