Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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