belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
