Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Randomize
