Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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