I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
