There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
