the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How external is "for external use only"?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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