he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
