I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
