His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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