I just pynch a tree in the face
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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