If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize