honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
