what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
