Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
