she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
