I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
