I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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