I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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