it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
