Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
