so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
