i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
