Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
