just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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