can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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