Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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