***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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