im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
