Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
