dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
