y did u give ur computer a hand job?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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