Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sext me about skeletons
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