I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sarcasm needs its own font
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
