Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
