You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
