omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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