My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
your room smells of hookers.
And success
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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