We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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