Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
