Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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