True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
