I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
