I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
