She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
