Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
