I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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