first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
