but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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