3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i think i just lost a toe
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
