The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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