Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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