He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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