My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
