Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
