Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
