at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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