We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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