she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
