I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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