you would pick up someone in the library
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
