Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
