My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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