i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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