Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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