I'm gonna have a badass scar
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
a search helicopter?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
