I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My vagina just clenched in fear
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
