sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
