We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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