this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
