I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
