We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
