Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
