how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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