Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize