That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
