An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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