somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
