walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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