it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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