i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
