There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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