Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
birth control should be required to get into college
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
