yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
