I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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