So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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