If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My balls are so social today.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
