my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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