that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You are the jesus of drinking
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
