In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
