Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
