sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
