Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
