Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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