I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
